


The Life of an Asano

by WhatTheFridgeDude



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Canon Related, Character Death, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatTheFridgeDude/pseuds/WhatTheFridgeDude
Summary: Gakuhou didn’t want a son. It wasn’t a case of him preferring a daughter. In fact, he didn’t even want a child at all. He was very content with his life- he was doing what he loved, teaching the next generation. He adored every child he taught. But while they were close to his heart, they weren’t too close.And then, he has a son.Or Asano Gakuhou's life as told by him.
Relationships: Asano Gakuhou & Asano Gakushuu
Comments: 43
Kudos: 254
Collections: Asano Gakushuu Centric





	The Life of an Asano

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gwendee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwendee/gifts).



> Me- lets write some depressing Asano content after being inspired by Gwen's fic to get your motivation back! Something short, maybe like 4k or 5k aha
> 
> Also me, 18k words later, over a month has passed, having not touched either of my other two fics- Fridge, you complete and utter fool.
> 
> Jokes aside, I've not been in the best spot recently. I've been struggling with my mental health and my motivation to write was non-existent. I wrote this fic sporadically over a month, until today where I didn't move from my computer for hours and wrote 10k. And I wonder why it takes me so long to fucking write.
> 
> I'm not sure how many people will read this, but if you do, please enjoy! Its not really a nice fic, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this. There is little to no canon supporting any of this, but I've tried to include as much canon content as possible.
> 
> This is for you Gwen! I hope you read this and cry as much as I did reading your other fic. Your work always makes me smile, and you'd given me the first semblance of motivation I'd had in a very long time. Much love.
> 
> Please read the tags, again, it is not a particularly nice fic. If you think you will be triggered by it, please do not read it. I promise I will not be offended.
> 
> I have portrayed Gakuhou as pretty half and half in this fic. I have also abused him as much as he abuses Gakushuu (lmao) and I do not want to appear as if I am giving excuses to his abuse. What he does to Gakushuu in the anime is awful, and there is no excuse (like, its literally canon that he doesn't talk to his son unless he needs to teach him something. WTF).
> 
> Enjoy, and please comment/kudos!

Gakuhou didn’t want a son. It wasn’t a case of him preferring a daughter. In fact, he didn’t even want a child at all. He was very content with his life- he was doing what he loved, teaching the next generation. He adored every child he taught. But while they were close to his heart, they weren’t too close.  
  


He didn’t want children.  
  


His own childhood was too painful to think about. And he was far too scared of that old phrase, ‘you always end up like your parents’. He hadn’t seen his father in over 10 years, and he planned to keep it like that.  
  


When he met Ikeda for the first time, he felt like his heart had been touched. He wasn’t one to pick favourites, but the awkward, emotional, utterly average boy shone like the sun. Despite all of this he was so enthusiastic about life. He didn’t make friends easily, couldn’t hold conversation, and in a way, it reminded Gakuhou of a younger version of himself (except he was a little less emotional, in fact as a child he didn’t feel very many emotions at all, but in a way, it’s the thing that makes Ikeda better than he ever was) and yet he was so lively. He was similar to Gakuhou yet different in so many ways. While Gakuhou was considered a god by most of society, Ikeda slipped silently by.  
  


Ikeda had a habit of skipping class, was one of the first things Gakuhou had realised while he was in Gakuhou’s care. After the first attempt to ditch maths, Gakuhou had excused himself to the class, who looked confused, but curious to where their teacher was going. Gakuhou stood behind a tree (not the most inventive hiding spot, but Ikeda was barely 12), and waited until he heard footsteps.  
  


“Ikeda-kun, where do you think you’re going?”  
  


Ikeda shrieked and nearly passed out. He’s scared enough that Gakuhou easily carried him back to class, chuckling the whole way. Everyone looked amused as an embarrassed Ikeda was lumped back into his seat by Gakuhou, who simply laughs.  
  


“I invite all of you to try and skip class. You won’t make it far. Unless you have a legitimate reason, you should be in class. Knowledge is an extremely important thing, and even if you don’t know it, every second you spend in my class will be useful. Got it?”  
  


His class yelled happily and cheered. At the time, Ikeda said nothing, but the determined look on his face and the small smile made Gakuhou think that he had learnt something too.

  
  
  


He realised the reason for Ikeda skipping class not long after. The boy was not a natural scholar, especially not aged 12. He calls Ikeda’s mother to ask her about the incidents of him skipping class, especially at such a young age.  
  


“Oh, we don’t really care what Rikuto does. He’s not going to do much when he’s older, we focus more on his older siblings. We don’t have much money, so the books went to the older ones. As long as he still has a place in your school, we are fine with whatever he does,” she said dismissively, and Gakuhou nearly broke his phone with the force that he clutched it.  
  


How dare she not give him a chance. Everyone should have the same opportunities. A parent should forge the way for their child no matter what.  
  


So he took the boy under his wing. Tears of happiness ran down his face as he sniffled into Gakuhou’s shirt, clutching the test with a red 75% adorned on it.  
  


“I’ve never gotten above 50% before! Thank you Asano-senpai for tutoring me!” he sniffles, aged 13. Gakuhou was only his middle school teacher, but Gakuhou feels closer to the boy than ever before. He believed that he was blessed to teach these children.  
  


Gakuhou has had him for the second year of middle school as well. Under his care, Ikeda had made some friends- Nakai and Mori.  
  


It’s a running joke between the four of them, Ikeda trying to skip class, or hit his teacher with a ruler. It never worked, obviously, and despite the fact that Ikeda doesn’t get any better, he never stops. That drive was something Gakuhou never had.  
  


“Asano-senpai is superhuman!” Ikeda grumbles when Nakai taunts him for losing the bet again, and having to stay in class without leaving for a full week after failing to hit Asano with a tennis ball.  
  


Superhuman huh? Being superhuman wasn’t a talent. It was something that was came with time.  
  


As a child who had been exceptional at whatever he did, be it languages, maths, economics or sport, being superhuman wasn’t an unfamiliar feat. He remembers stealing his father’s money to buy books when he was young. It was the one thing that his mother had taught him.  
  


“Mama? Why do you work so hard?” Gakuhou had asked her, aged 6.  
  


“Because I have to keep so safe baby. Fed, warm and clean. And as safe as I can from your Father. If that’s by making as much money as I can, then so be it.”  
  


“Why don’t you leave him?” Gakuhou had asked, not needing to mention the necklace of bruises around her neck, the scratches and cuts down her arms. He had them on his own arms.  
  


She smiled sadly.  
  


“Because he’ll hurt you sweetie. I can’t have that. And plus, I don’t know anything about law or getting a divorce. But once I have enough money saved, we’ll get out of here. We can go somewhere else. Somewhere better.”  
  


She bought Gakuhou textbooks. A library pass. She could afford nothing more. Gakuhou would sob into her arms and tell her to stop spending her money on him. She would hold him and tell him he’d do amazing things. That he was capable. That education was the most important thing on this planet. That even thought his school wasn’t the best, he should learn. Learn what he can.  
  


So Gakuhou made sure to go above and beyond. For his mother.  
  


When he is 8, he can read and write at a high school level. He starts to learn English. His school was abysmal. The quiet, stoic young boy who could read and write years before the other children isn’t nurtured there. He’s ostracised. He doesn’t learn sports naturally. He learns them from years of running. Thankfully, his brain seems to be different, and his body only lets him stop when he can’t breathe and vomit is running down his face. But the bullies or the older men are far behind him. His senses improve from a history of avoiding alleys with bad auras or sliding past people with malicious intent in the stinking bottom level of the car park. He never tells Ikeda that the reason he can always sense him coming is from habit. Habit of the past.  
  


“When you’re older, I want to take you to America,” his mother had said one night, stars in her eyes despite the blood running down her chin. Gakuhou is patching her up, having learnt basic first aid from one of the books he’d found in the library. Anything he read he remembered after all.  
  


“Why?”  
  


“The Land of the Free darling. There, women can marry and divorce freely, they have better rights. The schooling there is amazing honey. You’ll be a star. Some professor, or a doctor.”  
  


He shudders at the thought of seeing more blood than he already does.  
  


His mother sees it. She always did.  
  


“Gakuhou, Don’t think that I have any expectations of you, other than your own happiness and health. I want you to make money to provide foe yourself and your family, but through whatever means that it, it doesn’t matter as long as you love it.”  
  


Gakuhou said nothing. He doesn’t want to hurt his mother’s feelings by telling her that America is probably as bad as Japan. But he lets a little bit of her hope infect him and they sleep peacefully that night.  
  
  


He thinks now, looking at Ikeda and the rest of his students, that his mother would be proud of what he had done.  
  
  
  


Being superhuman had become a survival instinct for him. It had been the reason he had gotten into a good school, gotten away from his father when he needed to the most. It represented the mask that others saw, not the real him. But with the shine in Ikeda’s eyes, the awe on Mori’s face, Gakuhou thinks he can learn to love that aspect of himself. Its only in this school that the mask isn’t such a mask.  
  


When he was in middle school, things had changed. His maths teacher, an intelligent man stuck in a poor neighbourhood, trying desperately to teach people how important education was, had seen his talent immediately. However, jealousy is a fickle thing. When he’s attacked by a group of bullies in the playground near the end of his first year, Gakuhou doesn’t hesitate to fight back. That ruthlessness he had his father to thank for. He ends up with only a scratch. But he’s broken one boy’s arm, another’s nose and given one a black eye. They cry and run to their parents. No one had dared attack him before, not the weird kid who came from the bad house. Gakuhou hadn’t been scared facing 5 taller boys. But he was scared as he sat in the school office waiting for the verdict.  
  


Gakuhou wasn’t stupid. He knew that there would be consequences for his actions. But that hatred, that flame of anger he didn’t know existed had snapped.  
  


Why would one human being willingly hurt another one?  
  


He sat opposite his math teacher- Tanaka-senpai. His mother sobs next to him. Gakuhou just wanted to go back to his book. He was reading about the human brain.  
  


“Please Sir! He can’t get expelled! He has so much to give. Is there anything you can do?”  
  


Tanaka sighs. Gakuhou really likes him. He doesn’t treat him like a child wearing adult clothes.  
  


“Honestly? This school isn’t advanced enough for him. I think that he should take a scholarship exam. He’ll pass easily, and hopefully with a good word from me about this incident, they’ll overlook this incident.”  
  


Gakuhou takes an entrance exam. His mother scrapes together some money for a ticket. Mr Tanaka comes too, paying for a ticket that must be out of his budget on a teacher’s salary (or so he had thought, at the time). The exam is scarily easy, and apparently he did well enough that the teachers don’t even mention his ‘incident’. He hates the teachers already.  
  


And so, every bad thing he did was ‘overlooked’. Full scholarship, free boarding and even a free uniform. Mr Tanaka look so happy. His mother looks so proud, and for the first time in many years, Gakuhou feels himself smile so hard it reaches his eyes.  
  


However fate is a fickle thing.  
  
  
  


He’s snapped out of his musings by the sound of crying. He made his way outside of the classroom to see a boy crying, and Ikeda standing over him worriedly.  
  


“What’s going on?” he questioned.  
  


“I was just having a little bit of fun, I didn’t think it would hurt his feelings that badly!” Ikeda said, the look of panic genuine on his face. It’s the only thing that stops Gakuhou from berating harshly.  
  


He turned to the boy, Isaka, and asks him what had happened.  
  


“We- sniff, were p-playing basketball, and Ikeda-kun told me I wa- I was really bad!” the boy cried. Gakuhou knows he’s a coddled child, told he’s good at everything, making loss even harder for a very average kid. But it doesn’t mean he can forgive Ikeda.  
  


“Apologise.” He said sternly to Ikeda.  
  


Ikeda pouted and kicked angrily at the floor.  
  


“He started it! He challenged me and called me a chump, and I won fair and square. Why do I have to apologise?” Ikeda retorted stubbornly.  
  
  


Ikeda continued to refuse to apologise.  
  
  


Gakuhou simply sighed. It was true Isaka had started it, but he had higher hopes for Ikeda.  
  


“Fine then Ikeda. If you can beat me at basketball, you don’t need to apologise. If I win, you’re going to apologise. Those terms fine?”  
  


Ikeda got that determined look in his eye again.  
  


“You’re on, old man!”  
  


The whole class came and sat outside to watch the game. Gakuhou made it drag out a little longer than it should have done, what with the skill difference. He didn’t tell any of them that he’s never played basketball before.  
  


Ikeda is forced to apologise, but by then, Isaka had forgotten about it. The class wandered inside, and as Ikeda made to leave, Gakuhou pulled him back by his shoulder.  
  


He looked into Ikeda’s eyes. He looked sad, as would a child who was beaten easily at a sport they considered themselves good at.  
  


“Ikeda. You really like basketball, don’t you?”  
  


“..yeah.”  
  


“Well, next time you have an after school session with me, would you like me to train you a bit?”  
  


Ikeda’s eyes light up. He was an easily influenced kid, Gakuhou thought. He believed people too easily. But in a way, that innocence was a beautiful thing. Gakuhou wanted to protect it.  
  


“Would you!?”  
  


Gakuhou smiled fondly.  
  


“Of course. But you have to promise me one thing.”  
  


Ikeda grew serious.  
  


“Anything Asano-senpai!”  
  


Gakuhou chuckled at the enthusiasm in which he spoke with.  
  


“Promise me Ikeda, that you will always be kind. People may treat you badly, try and make you do things that you don’t want to do. But you always have to be mature. Treat people how you want to be treated.”  
  


Ikeda looked at him like he’s spoken the word of God.  
  


“Okay Mr Asano! I promise I’ll grow up to be the most kind, mature adult ever! I won’t let you down!”  
  


Gakuhou smiled softly at the boy.  
  


“That goes for you too, Mori-kun and Nakai-kun.”  
  


The two jolted from where they were watching behind a tree.  
  


“We understand Mr Asano!”  
  


He watched Ikeda run over to show them the new skills he had learnt with Gakuhou. The teacher felt his heart swell with pride at the happy, open looks on their faces. He thought back to when he was a child, when all he wished for was kindness that wasn’t going to come. If he could teach these kids that, then he would need nothing more in life. THIs was the childhood he wanted the kids he was teaching to have. To teach them kindness, and with that, surely nothing would bring them down.  
  
  


In hindsight, he thinks, face red from crying, throat clogged with tears and screams that he hadn’t released yet, that he should’ve taught Ikeda to throw a decent punch instead.

  
  


When Gakuhou turned 12, his father finally went too far. All the time that his mother had spent with Mr Tanaka discussing the new school had sent that irrational, drunk paranoia into overdrive. He’d thought she had cheated on him with another man.  
  


Gakuhou had come home from his new school (in which he’d only spent a month in) to see her dead body on the kitchen table. She’d bled out. If he’d come home earlier instead of reading in the library, things might’ve been different.  
  


His father was nowhere to be seen. He wouldn’t be caught until many years in the future.  
  


At age 12 Gakuhou had realised that sometimes the good people don’t get good things. Just like how the bad people didn’t always get the bad things that they deserved.  
  


He had hoped that Mr Tanaka would take him in, but the teacher had a baby on the way. A young boy. He made the arrangements for Gakuhou to board permanently at his new school, and paid for any new clothes or books Gakuhou ever needed. Gakuhou was too blinded by pain to see how guilty the man felt for not being able to do more. To him at the time it felt merely like a fake apology.  
  


As he’d clutched her beaten, bloody body in young hands, tears running red across the floor where they’d fallen, he had picked up the blood-spattered note she had written for him instead of calling for an ambulance.  
  
  


 ** _Gakuhou my love,_** it reads.

**_Please forgive me for leaving you so soon.  
I want you to know that I love you more than anything else in the world.  
  
  
_ **

Gakuhou’s screams of utter pain are so loud that the neighbours had called the police. They find him, clear tear tracks cutting through the blood on his face, sitting silently. He’s questioned about his father, but ultimately they don’t find him. The man had had enough sense to leave town. The school is notified about his ‘situation’ and Tanaka becomes his guardian, even if he doesn’t want him. He’s pitied. But pity can’t bring his mother back, or make his father suffer, can it?  
  
  


**_Please continue your education. I want you to become someone your mother can be proud of.  
  
  
_ **

He had stayed at the boarding school. He had enough sense to understand that he couldn’t have people jealous of him like his other middle school. So instead of the nerdy, reclusive boy that he had been before, he becomes the strong, mysterious overachiever. He had hit a growth spurt, and grows into his features. The way girls fawn around him makes him sick. They only like him because he’s handsome. He politely waves away their attention and goes back to drafting the student council budget. He’s two years ahead of the syllabus and can now speak 6 languages. If he gets the money, he was going to take his first degree in high school.  
  


Mr Tanaka taught him about the stock market, and how to make money off of it. By the time he was out of high school he had already made enough money to be self-sufficient.  
  


He goes by his mother’s maiden name now.  
  


Asano.  
  


It was in his second year of high school that he met a boy. How very cliché. Gakuhou hadn’t thought he was gay, let alone attracted to anyone, so this is a shock to him.  
  


The boy was a foreign exchange. He’s Chinese, and speaks very little Japanese. Gakuhou can speak Mandarin (obviously) and the glowing smile on the boy’s face was so genuine and unlike every other smile he had met before. It enchants him, as someone who’s spent too long around fake love, and it’s refreshing.  
  


The boy’s name is Yao. He spends every lunchtime in the library because it reminds him of home. He comes from a wealthy family who paid to send him there in an attempt to get him to become interested in more ‘manly’ subjects. But Yao loves to write, and Gakuhou heart thumps in his chest the first time Yao writes a poem for him.  
  


They speak Mandarin together. It feels like their little secret. Gakuhou feels like he’s on top of the world.  
  


Gakuhou is the coolest guy in school. He’s top in every subject, good-looking, tall and athletic. Above all he’s charming, and he can have any girl that he wants with the snap of his fingers. Boys want to be him or be friends with him. But he just wants Yao. He spends every possible moment with the boy. Yao obviously questions him, but doesn’t pretend around him. He’s comfortable enough to be a little selfish, and the happy, slightly smug smile he gives Gakuhou when he is chosen over all the other ‘cooler’ people in school flutters around Gakuhou’s brain late at night.  
  


Honestly? He had already finished the school course. He had been planning to skip third year and go straight to university. But he hears Yao is staying for a third year and begins to consider otherwise.  
  


They soon become best friends. The social recluse and the school alpha. Gakuhou is confident people won’t suspect anything is amiss, but he’s cautious nonetheless. He doesn’t want Yao to get hurt if people discover his true feelings.  
  
  


**_Gakuhou, when you meet your first love, please cherish it. It may not last long, it may last forever, but love is a wonderful thing. Make sure to surround yourself with people that you love at all times, it’s the key to happiness that I learnt too late.  
  
  
_ **

They’re over in the dorms. Due to Yao being a foreign exchange and Gakuhou having a dead mother and a criminal father (their situations were very different, as you can see), they both stay full time at the dorms. Gakuhou is teaching Yao how to do the math assignment that the school had set. Gakuhou gets a message from one his ‘friends’ that there’s a festival in town. His heart flutters with images of him and Yao in the dim light, fireworks in the background, maybe a first kiss. He invites Yao to go, and he complies.  
  


They’re in casual clothes. The festival in full swing. Its full of couples, and he buys Yao food, gifts, sweets, anything that catches his eye. He hopes it gives a hint to Yao, indicates something other than the furious shouting of his thoughts.  
  


“I WANT TO KISS YOU SENSELESS AND TAKE YOU ON CUTE DATES!” Gakuhou’s subconscious screams.  
  


“Shall we find somewhere quiet to watch the fireworks?” is what comes out of Gakuhou’s mouth.  
  


It nearly midnight, and they’ve found themselves alone looking above the festival. Yao nudges him and Gakuhou catches his line of sight. Two men, hidden from the crowds, kiss behind a stall, where no one can see them. Gakuhou’s heart thumps, thumps, thumps.  
  


“What do you think about them?” Yao asks him.  
  


“Hmm? About gay people?” Gakuhou says, willing his voice not to break. This is a good sign.  
  


Yao makes a noise of affirmation. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of them.  
  


Gakuhou’s face is on fire, he knows it.  
  


“I don’t mind. Love is love after all.” He replies quietly.  
  


Yao turns to him. Gakuhou can’t make out his expression in the dark light. But is a new expression.  
  


Gakuhou’s heart lodges itself in his throat.  
  
  


**_Take risks with love. You won’t find the good stuff easily. Trust in your heart and if it goes badly so what. Life will go on, and you will find another love.  
  
  
_ **

His addled mind has enough firepower left to know that his mother hadn’t envisioned this when writing him this letter. But the point still stands right?  
  


Gakuhou takes a chance. He cups Yao’s face and leans in.  
  


As soon as his lips touch Yao’s, he’s pushed away.  
  


Gakuhou’s heart withers and dies in his chest at the look of absolute disgust on his first love’s face.  
  


“Guàiwù,” Yao whispers, fear evident in his voice.  
  


Gakuhou stumbles backwards.  
  


“You’re one of those freaks?” Yao cries.  
  


Gakuhou clutches the fence with his whole weight.  
  


“You can be helped Asano!” Gakuhou flinches at the use of his last name.  
  


“I have to tell the school. They can get you help. Therapy.” Yao pushes towards him, clutching his jacket. He doesn’t think about Yao, he can only think of the black rejection seeping through his consciousness.  
  


Gakuhou stays silent, his brain so clouded by fear that he can’t speak.  
  


“Gakuhou! We have to get you help, you’re sick in the mind-“  
  


“If you tell anyone what has just happened, I’ll tell them it was you.” Gakuhou says coldly. He’s so scared that he’s not scared anymore. He’ll look back and realise that Yao’s intentions were good, if skewed. He was a fool to think it was acceptable. He should have been more cautious. And he does as far to ruin whatever relationship they have left.  
  


Yao jolts away.  
  


“W-what-“  
  


“You heard me. Tell anyone and I’ll tell them you came onto me first. Who are they going to believe? The star student? Or some foreign exchange who can’t even do maths properly and whose parents hate him enough to send him away from home.”  
  


Yao flinches and tears fill his eyes. He’d always been sensitive. Gakuhou also knew how to push his buttons.  
  


Gakuhou’s hands tremble but all he feels is anger.  
  


Fuck this. Fuck not being able to be with the boy he loves. And fuck the boy for thinking that this was the right response.  
  


“I trusted you,” is what Yao whispered quietly.  
  


“W-why did you have to go and change things? I was so happy-“ Yao continues.  
  


Gakuhou snaps.  
  


“And you called me a freak? Don’t you think that this applies to you too? A boy who likes poetry and art. No wonder I thought you reciprocated. Go on. Try and dispute me. I could tell the school and they’d believe me.”  
  


Yao turns and runs.  
  


It was that day that Gakuhou realised social standing wasn’t a perk. It was a necessity. It was his armour. He goes and joins the friends that had invited him and makes sure that everyone sees him kiss a girl. He feels powerful. It lasts as long as it takes for him to get back to the dorms and see every little bit of Yao that had surrounded his room (his old jumper that Gakuhou borrowed, his notebooks, pens, even that poem) is gone.  
  


Gakuhou cries for the first time in a long time that night.  
  
  


**_Gakuhou, promise your mother one thing. Go to America one day. Maybe even study there. I’ve heard that they have some of the best universities in the world. Study something you love and get a good degree.  
  
  
_ **

He leaves after his second year. He’s just turned 17. Yao never looked him the eye again, but never told. Gakuhou stomps the guilt down into the back of his brain. It was for your own safety, he tells himself. The sick feeling of power he gets disgusts him as much as he loves it. He blames Yao. He doesn’t know who else to blame.  
  


He gets a full scholarship to Harvard. They don’t believe he’s as good as they’ve been told. They almost don’t let him in a year early. Gakuhou convinces them by taking 2 degrees at once. Business and Engineering. He has enough money to rent a flat just outside of campus, thanks to his stocks, and within his first year in America with some well placed investments he’s nearly tripled his funds.  
  


There are a few other Asian kids on campus. They’re called every colourful name under the sun, their stuff is vandalised. But not Gakuhou. He’s “different” apparently. The boys are jealous of him but are too scared to do anything. The girls still fawn over him. Even some boys. Their glances are coy and hidden, but Gakuhou notices them. All it does is remind him of Yao and the guilt is so much that he never reciprocates.  
  


But at Harvard, there are actually intelligent people. He can have interesting conversations. He makes friends. Real friends. Sure, they don’t go and party like some of the traditional college kids, instead they stay up late and program code to make robots move. Or discuss the intricacies of astrophysics. Gakuhou finds his people.  
  


“Hey Asano?” Jeremy, a chem major, asks him one night. Their small group of nerd friends have convened at Gakuhou’s flat to eat greasy cheese pizza. Gakuhou eats his pizza with the cheese picked off, to the mocking of his friends. He’d also found out that he was lactose intolerant.  
  


“Hm?” he answers back, mouth full of stolen pizza, still covered in cheese, because fuck life you know? Gakuhou can live a little. He’s got double the classes, exams, and assignments of the others, and he’s a year younger. He doesn’t (can’t) even distract himself with trivial things like girls or family (neither of which he thinks applies to him).  
  


“You’re like, so perfect that you scare me sometimes. But for a perfect student, you’re also like, really normal. Like, I caught you eating shredded cheese last night at 3 am. And you like can’t eat dairy.”  
  


His friends all laugh so hard they drop their food. Gakuhou thinks Jeremy says like too much. He sulks as his friends mock his lactose intake.  
  


“And he was so sick the next day that he was at the toilet for hours!” Sajeev, an Indian boy studying advanced physics says. They all then realise Gakuhou is eating his pizza with cheese on and continue to laugh at him.  
  


He has the best time at university. Some of the best years of his life. It’s one of his friends, Kazuichi (another Japanese boy) in his engineering course that suddenly brings something up.  
  


“Dude, your GPA is like super high right?”  
  


Gakuhou pauses in his essay (it’s for English, a class he’s taking purely for extra credit). It’s true, his GPA is exceptional, because he’s ‘superhuman’. He’d passed engineering with full marks a year early and in filling its place with math (a subject that he is sure he will pass in year). His teachers have been told by the board to just give him assignments early. His teachers hate that they like him. He’s charming, attractive and intelligent (abnormally so). After a little pushing, they look past his race, and cave.  
  


“So, like, you could go for the title.”  
  


“Title of what?”  
  


“Highest GPA ever dude. You have enough money, which I think is rude, as a broke student, to continue. Why don’t you?”  
  


So Gakuhou does. He gets the highest GPA in Harvard’s history. He works his ass off for it. Its the first time in a while that he's worked for something. He’s known as the wonder-student. He knows more about some subjects than his teachers. He still keeps up his fitness, and gets a solid 5 hours of sleep every night. He doesn’t need more, his insomnia and insatiable thirst for knowledge won’t let him get anymore.  
  


It’s at the end of his last year that he finally thinks about his future. He’s successfully making money, despite having spent a lot of it on school fees, and he’s not even working.  
  


He knows that he has to go back to Japan, but he’s scared. He knows that he can make money in America, make it big time. He’s already foot-deep in the property market, and could easily buy himself a wonderful house and meet a cute boy. He’s allowed to here.  
  


Japan would stifle him. Has stifled him.  
  


But he knows that there’s something he has to do.  
  
  


**_Gakuhou. This might be selfish of me. But I want your father to suffer. For everything he did to you, to me, to us. Even if it takes years. If he doesn’t get what comes to him, I want you to do it. I know its bad of me to ask this of you. I should tell you to forgive. But I can’t. He took you from me. I want him to know my pain.  
  
  
_ **

He graduates. They hold a special ceremony just for him and the record he set. People whose names he only remembers due to the gift that is his memory congratulate him like they’ve known him his whole life. The jealous looks or blind admiration make him almost glad to get away.  
  


His friends cry when he tells them he’s going back. Thankfully, he has Kazuichi and Sam (an American boy who has an internship at a Japanese tech firm) going back with him. They rent an apartment together. Gakuhou doesn’t tell them he could afford one triple the size. He’s really come from rags to riches huh.  
  


He goes to Todai. They accept him greedily. He takes the most advanced law course that they offer. He spends evenings in the shady parts of town, and eventually finds people who will find his father for him. Track him down.  
  


And there, he meets her.  
  


Honestly? His first thought is he’s just glad he’s not gay.  
  


It’s not like Yao. Nothing similar. That sudden, bolt of attraction that is unstoppable. No, this thing is more gradual, more powerful, and he doesn’t even realise before he’s drowning in it.  
  


Her name is Ena. Her family was super religious and had named her accordingly.  
  


A gift from god, is what her name means. Gakuhou can support that.  
  


She’s younger than him, by a few years, considering that he’d already been to university before. But she looks mature, and holds herself accordingly. The boy’s sneer at her, call her arrogant because she’s simply a woman who’s better than them in their field. She’d not pretty, but she’s stunning in her own way, with golden hair and dark eyes. Her beauty is in her intelligence anyway.  
  


She’s in his law class, and she’s also extremely good at what she does. Even as good as Gakuhou. In fact, she’s exceptional in her field. Sure her intelligence is great but the exceptionality is limited to one area, but the fact that she beats him in the second test that they have shows some serious achievement.  
  


They have wild debates in class. Glances that used to be wary or filled with dislike soon become full of admiration. Initially he hates her. How dare someone be better than him? It doesn’t last long. He almost pities her, the fact that her self-proclaimed rival can memorise textbook pages in under 5 minutes must be annoying. But law isn’t like maths, business or engineering.  
  


There is no right answer- you just have to convince others that your answer is right.  
  


He realises this too late. His answers are textbook (naturally) but lack emotion.  
  


They hold a mock trial, where their papers are written in the form of convincing arguments.  
  


He loses the case. Well, not completely, he gets about half way, but in his eyes? That’s a loss.  
  


He sneaks late and reads her paper. The unbridled passion, but supported with logic, facts and statistics (some that even he doesn’t know) come together to form a fluid yet cohesive argument.  
  


Call him a nerd. Sue him. But he falls in love with her work.  
  


With a newfound respect (and maybe the first hints of attraction) he leaves the office.  
  


Her parents had wanted her to marry a rich man and become a housewife, she tells him, one year later, curled up on his bed after a long study session. He’s playing with her hair. She’d been the one to confess, and Gakuhou had cried at how much he loved her fiery nature. She had been concerned, but had scored a date that same week. It had been 6 months, and they were still going strong.  
  


He hates her family. Super religious, stifling that amazing mind of hers just due to some preconceived notion about her gender. He says that much to her, and she kisses him senseless. He adores her. She adores him. He wants to marry this woman.  
  


He confides in her about his life one year into his relationship. It takes a long time, but Ena is so patient, so loving, and willing to wait his severe trust issues out.  
  


He tells her, not because he wants to in the end, but because his eyes are red and he’s screamed his throat hoarse and she’s the only one he trusts to pick up the pieces after he breaks.  
  


They’ve found his father, he tells her amid sobs. She doesn’t know what that means, but when she does 10 minutes later, she’s shaking with anger. But no pity. He wants to live the rest of his life with this woman.  
  


The hired mercenary had dragged his father to the warehouse in a body bag. Gakuhou doesn’t care. In fact, he should’ve been rougher.  
  


“It was his eyes that gave him away,” the mercenary mentions casually.  
  


Gakuhou’s hurt burns painfully.  
  


“Same as yours.”  
  


He pays the man and he leaves. Ena knows, but doesn’t come. He keeps her away for her protection. What he’s doing is decidedly illegal, and for 2 law students the irony is palpable.  
  


His father wakes a few hours later. Gakuhou has him strapped to a chair, with all of his meagre possessions stripped from him.  
  


He’d run to Kyoto and gotten into the drug business, the mercenary had said. He’d worked with some local drug dealers, due to his charisma he was good at selling things. Gakuhou hated that he had inherited that from his father. It had cost Gakuhou a lot of money for this information, and honestly he couldn’t care less.  
  


“G-Gakuhou?!” he says, his voice gravelly, but overall healthier than when he had seen him last. The bloodshot eyes and slightly pallid skin spoke of continued substance-abuse, but he had filled out more. He hated that this man hadn’t been hurt by his mother’s death.  
  


“Hello. It’s been a long time.”  
  


“L-look, I’m sorry I didn’t look for you. I thought your mother had gone to the police. Where is she? Are you alone?”  
  


Ah, right. She had bled out. He didn’t even know that he’d killed her before he’d run. He’d just assumed that they’d run.  
  


He’s so angry that he sees red. Literally, after his fist has connected with his father’s face several times.  
  


His father begs him to stop. Gakuhou holds him up by his throat and spits at him.  
  
  


**_But Gakuhou, please don’t hurt your father too badly. Get away from him first. I can’t protect you now, so please get stronger. Don’t kill him. Make him live with the wrongs that he has done. And above all, don’t sully your hands with his blood. You’re above that. He doesn’t deserve the kindness. But you are deserving to give it, and that will make you 10x the man he is.  
  
  
_ **

“The only reason that you are alive right now, is because of her. I could kill you and dump your body in a river, just like you did to her. Instead, you’re going to spend your life in prison. I’m going to make sure of it.” He hisses at the man he hold, seeing his own eyes meeting his in fear.  
  


“Y-you can’t do that!”  
  


Gakuhou smirks dangerously.  
  


“Watch me.”  
  


With two of the most prestigious law students Todai has ever had, the case is easy.  
  


He hope his mother can forgive him for bribing the judge. His ‘father’ is given a minimum of 40 years in prison.  
  


And as he watches his father leave the courtroom, with his girlfriend who he intends to propose to at some point that week, he finally feels free.

Ena and him sit down to talk about the future. He’s lost- he doesn’t have a passion, finds everything easy, and doesn’t need money.  
  


“You do have a passion baby,” Ena tells him with a smile.  
  


Gakuhou simply stares at her.  
  


“Knowledge,” she says.  
  


“I don’t want to just learn for the rest of my life,” he says quietly.  
  


“So teach. The only person other than your mother I’ve heard you talk positively about was that middle school teacher of yours. Learn on the side, and inspire people. You’re brilliant at it honey. Shape the next generation.”  
  


She always did know him better than he knew himself.  
  


He starts making preparations for a cram school. He wants to shape children like Tanaka-senpai shaped him, kids who wouldn't have had a chance otherwise.  
  
  


**_I want you to do something that you love. Don’t waste time doing things you hate. You’re not like me son, you’ve got so much intelligence, you can do whatever you want. Money will follow eventually. Just enjoy life- its over far too soon.  
  
  
_ **

Ena joins a law firm. They live together now, in an expensive house just out of the centre of Tokyo. She had accepted his proposal, and the wedding had been beautiful. It had been friends only, with Gakuhou having no family to invite. Ena’s family haven’t disowned her yet, but it’s a close thing. As Gakuhou doesn’t work formally yet, when they visit to meet Gakuhou for the first time, its stiff and oppressive. They don’t ask Ena about anything, despite not having seen her in several years, and just grill Gakuhou on his life. Despite his numerous qualifications, his money, his adoration for their daughter, they don’t approve. He’s come from dirt, he has no family and isn’t religious. They leave after 3 hours. Gakuhou doesn’t care. Neither does Ena. Its what he loves about her.  
  
  


**_When you find the person you want to marry, it better be for love Gakuhou. Don’t make my mistake of marrying too quickly and marrying wrong. But I know you have sense son. I trust you to marry someone you love. Please treat her well. I’m sorry I could never meet her.  
  
  
_ **

This might be the easiest thing to accomplish of his mother’s wishes.

  
  


He stood outside the classroom, and watched as Ikeda, Nakai and Mori played basketball. Ikeda was obviously dominating the game. He’d just had a call from his wife.  
  


She was pregnant, 2 months along. She had just thought she was putting on weight, but she had taken the test on a whim and it had come out positive.  
  


She wanted to keep it.  
  


Gakuhou had told her that they would talk later and had ended the call with shaking hands. He didn’t want a child. He was scared.  
  


He had enough children in his life. He had a boy outside who he considered the closet thing to his son that there would ever be.  
  


Strangely enough, as though he could sense his teacher’s thoughts, Ikeda wandered inside.  
  


“Hey, Mr Asano, can we make milkshakes using the teacher’s lounge- hey! Are you okay sir?”  
  


He hurriedly walked over and poked Gakuhou in the side. He looked legitimately concerned and Gakuhou’s heart melts.  
  


“My wife is pregnant. I’m going to be a father.” He said, voice shaking, yet confiding in a boy who hadn’t even gone through puberty properly. He thought about what he would have done in Ikeda’s position. He probably would’ve been jealous- had been jealous, of that small child that took Mr Tanaka’s attention away from him. He didn’t even know its name.  
  


“That’s wonderful! What are you gonna call it?” is what Ikeda said.  
  


Gakuhou’s trembling stops and he studied Ikeda. He didn’t know anything about his past, even his present. He didn’t overthink the situation (wasn’t capable of it), just genuinely cared about his teacher’s life.  
  


“I don’t know. I haven’t even decided if I want to keep it,” he said, lying. He’d made his decision just then.  
  


“Whaat? But a baby version of you!!! That’ll be so cute Mr Asano! Promise to come and show them to us when they’re born! Promise!?”  
  


Gakuhou teared up at the enthusiasm. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, and gave Ikeda a watery smile.  
  


“Yeah. I promise.”

Little baby Gakushuu was born in Ikeda’s last year of middle school. January 1st. Gakuhou knows he's going to do great things.  
  


When the baby had just been born, Gakuhou was shaking so hard he could barely hold the pen to write his son’s name on the notepad the doctor handed him. He’d sat with Ena through the whole process, holding her hand desperately. When Gakushuu finally pops his head out, he cries instantly.  
  


Wife and son alive. So far so good.  
  


But Gakushuu doesn’t stop wailing and wailing. The nurses assure him that it’s a normal reaction, in fact it shows a healthy baby. Gakuhou is not convinced.  
  


Ena holds her son, trying to soothe him, but no dice. Gakushuu decides to be a little shit from birth, crying and crying till his throat is sore. Ena doesn’t really seem to care. She’s pretty content with just rocking him, so much love and adoration in her eyes that it sparkles out and tears are running down her face.  
  


“I’m so happy, Gakuhou we have a child!” she weeps. Gakushuu weeps too, but that hadn’t changed for the last 10 minutes.  
  


She hands him Gakushuu, still balling his eyes out. Gakuhou tentatively takes Gakushuu into his arms and tries to rock him.  
  


“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay! Daddy’s here!” he says, utterly terrified of the small ball of blankets in his arms. Ena laughs at him and calls him corny. He tells her that he has no idea what to tell a baby.  
  


But by some divine power, Gakushuu quietens down. He starts sniffling, but no crying. Gakuhou looks up at Ena in shock, who looks equally flabbergasted.  
  


“Corny huh?”  
  


She smiles at him.  
  


“Guess he’s a daddy’s boy, huh.”  
  


Gakuhou looks back down at Gakushuu, who has buried his face in the fabric of Gakuhou’s shirt. Gakuhou feels like the world has been given to him on a golden platter.  
  


Gakushuu then opens his eyes, and Gakuhou stares at him. His son’s eyes are purple, like his. Gakushuu blinks up at him and gurgles. Gakuhou can only see his father’s eyes.  
  


He hands Ena the baby and walks outside to cool off.  
  
  


**_Don’t be scared of having children Gakuhou. I know you, and I want you to experience the joy that I had by having you. You were everything to me, and I want you to have a child that becomes everything to you as well._ **

Ena takes maternity leave from her job. She’s a successful lawyer, who specialises in prosecution. It’s hard for her. She loves work, but she also adores Gakushuu.  
  


They do a deal. Gakuhou takes care of Gakushuu in the morning and evening (and through the night since he’d always needed less sleep than her). She takes care of Gakushuu from 7 through till 5, when Gakuhou is at school. It works for them, as it lets her work in the afternoons, but still go to sleep at a good time.  
  


Gakushuu doesn’t cry often anymore. He’s a stoic baby, sleeps at a good time, eats what he’s given. He’s intelligent, and active.  
  


Gakuhou takes Gakushuu to meet his class. He’s 5 months old, and sits contently in the carrier rucksack Gakuhou wears, in a little fluffy suit Gakuhou had bought him.  
  


(Ena says he spoils Gakushuu. He definitely doesn’t. He just happens to have a lot of money to spend and a cute baby to spend it on. So what if it means cute little green baby shoes, or a fluffy dinosaur onesie. _So what Ena._ Sue him for having a cute kid.)  
  


His class coos at Gakushuu when they meet him. Gakushuu gurgles happily at the attention (little attention slut that he is) and makes grabby hands at the bottle Gakuhou has with him.  
  


Now, Gakuhou speaks to Gakushuu as if he’s an adult. Ena thinks its hilarious, and cries with laughter after Gakuhou calls Gakushuu a little bitch when he spills his milk bottle over Gakuhou’s fanciest shirt. He didn’t think it was weird, after all he wants Gakushuu to be a functioning, sophisticated baby, not one of those average babies. Ena tells him he’s delusional, and that Gakushuu is still a baby and doesn’t understand him. Gakuhou doesn’t listen to her.  
  


Ikeda is holding Gakushuu whilst he reads the next passage in the Japanese text that he’s reading. He’s planned an easy day, so if anything happened with Gakushuu then there wouldn’t be too much time lost. Surprisingly, Gakushuu had taken to Ikeda the most, falling asleep in his arms in the first few minutes of class. The others are disappointed, but Gakuhou lets Gakushuu stay where he is.  
  


Gakushuu starts sniffling loudly and wakes up, and seeing as Gakushuu doesn’t cry often. Gakuhou puts the book down.  
  


“What,” he asks Gakushuu, who’s started to sniffle loudly, and Ikeda looks slightly panicked.  
  


Gakushuu only gurgles back, seeing as he can’t talk yet.  
  


“Stop it,” Gakuhou tells Gakushuu, who is distressed now, sniffing and wriggling in Ikeda’s arms.  
  


“Sir? Do you want him back?” Ikeda asks, looking at Gakushuu warily.  
  


Gakuhou crouches in front of Ikeda’s desk, so he’s at Gakushuu’s eye level.  
  


“What’s wrong.”  
  


Gakushuu doesn’t stop wriggling.  
  


“Stop that.”  
  


Gakushuu keeps going.  
  


“Sir?” Ikeda asks. He is ignored.  
  


“Gakushuu, if you don’t stop, you don’t get to wear the fluffy onesie later.”  
  


Gakushuu petulantly keeps wriggling.  
  


His class start giggling.  
  


“Do you want nice things Gakushuu? You have to meet me halfway. I don’t make you pay rent, and I feed you, clothe you, bathe you. The least you can do is sit still.”  
  


Ikeda looks very amused.  
  


“Why do you talk to him like that? You know he doesn’t understand you right?”  
  


Gakushuu sends his class a withering look.  
  


“He does.”  
  


“No he doesn’t, he’s a baby,” Nakai says.  
  


“A sophisticated baby!” Gakuhou argues. His class laugh at him.  
  


Gakuhou hmphs.  
  


“Fine. I’ll prove it to you.”  
  


He plucks Gakushuu up from Ikeda’s grasp under his pudgy little arms, so he’s dangling from Gakuhou’s grip. He keeps wriggling.  
  


“Gakushuu. Stop. Final warning, or I’ll make you eat the cheap baby food you hate for the rest of the week, instead of the expensive stuff you eat too much of.”  
  


His class are sitting silently waiting for Gakushuu’s response, but are trying to suppress their laughter.  
  


Gakushuu stops wriggling. His class gasp.  
  


“Oh my god.”  
  


“Wonder baby!”  
  


Gakuhou feels very proud.  
  


“Good! You can keep eating the expensive food, even though you’re practically eating my money directly from my pocket. You’re a good investment,” Gakuhou says awfully fondly. His class mock him in the background.  
  


Baby Gakushuu has stuck his thumb into his mouth as he dangles in the air. He makes direct eye contact with Gakuhou as he sucks his thumb.  
  


“Bad baby. No thumb sucking,” Gakuhou berates his son.  
  


Gakushuu doesn’t stop sucking, so Gakuhou pulls his thumb from out of his mouth.  
  


“No.” Gakuhou says firmly. Gakushuu attempts to put his thumb back.  
  


“Don’t make me use the voice,” Gakuhou warns. His class does deathly still, knowing that ‘the voice’ means Gakuhou’s authority voice.  
  


“You can’t use ‘the voice’ on a baby!” Mori says scandalised.  
  


“You’ll traumatise him!” Ikeda agrees.  
  


Gakuhou looks grave.  
  


“He has to learn.”  
  


His class sit in anticipation.  
  


“Gakushuu Asano. Stop sucking your thumb this instant.” Gakuhou says in the voice. His class all shiver and shrink in their seats.  
  


“Poor baby,” they all think.  
  


Gakushuu hovers for a few seconds in silence. Gakuhou raises an eyebrow at him.  
  


And then he starts to cry.  
  


“No! No, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Gakuhou instantly brings Gakushuu to his chest, and starts rocking him. Gakushuu wails at him.  
  


His class are full on laughing at his panicked, remorseful face. Gakushuu scrambles in his grip, and Nakai has to take him from Gakuhou. Gakuhou guiltily lets him go. He sits morosely at his desk while his class coo platitudes at him.  
  


“Your dad is so mean to you.”  
  


“You’re a good baby, don’t listen to him.”  
  


“What a meanie.”  
  


Gakushuu doesn’t stop crying, but it gets less intense. If Gakuhou didn’t feel ridiculously guilty he would probably have called his son an attention slut (again).  
  


“Apologise Mr Asano!”  
  


Gakushuu is placed on the desk in front of him. Gakushuu gurgles happily and makes the grabby hands at Gakuhou.  
  


“See? He’s so nice that he’s forgiven you already.”  
  


Gakuhou smiles at Gakushuu, still feeling guilty, but happy to be forgiven.  
  


He ruffles Gakushuu’s hair and pulls him closer.  
  


“You okay son?”  
  


Gakushuu starts sucking on Gakuhou’s thumb.  
  


Gakuhou sighs, and tries to retract his thumb. Gakushuu stares at him with innocent baby eyes.  
  


And then promptly throws up on him.  
  


“You little bitch!” Gakuhou screeches.  
  


His class howls with laughter as they watch baby Gakushuu clap and happily go back to gurgling.  
  


**_Gakuhou, understand that a child will be the greatest responsibility and the greatest joy you will ever have. Please don’t get lost in one or the other._ **

  
  


Gakushuu’s first word is ‘dada’. Gakuhou doesn’t stop crying for 2 hours.  
  


He learns to walk several months before the average baby, and Gakuhou is so _proud.  
  
_

He adores Gakushuu more than anything else on this earth. He’s the sun and moon to Gakuhou. But too much good karma eventually leads to something bad.  
  


Those first 4 years of Gakushuu’s life had been the happiest of Gakuhou’s. Teaching his son to speak, to walk, to read and write, to spend time simply playing or sleeping. He almost forgets that the outside world exists.  
  


They put Gakushuu into a day-care whilst the two of them work. He’s miles above the rest of the class, being able to read and write basic words.  
  


But when Gakushuu is about to turn 5, things go very downhill.  
  


He had been planning schools to send Gakushuu to with Ena when he gets the call.  
  


“Hey Asano-sensei. It’s been a while.”  
  


“Ikeda? What a nice surprise! How are you?”  
  


“Been better. I was wondering if you wanted to meet for dinner later today.”  
  


“I’d love to! Shall I pick you up from your house?”  
  


“Sure. I’ll see you later Asano-senpai.”  
  


“Bye Ikeda!”  
  
  


They say the higher the climb, the harder the fall.  
  
  


He arrives at Ikeda’s house and sees the sign.  
  


He’d committed suicide- jumped off of a bridge.  
  


He’d been mercilessly bullied on the basketball team by the older boys, for being better than them.  
  


His mother, crying, tells him that Ikeda wanted him to know something.  
  
  


_“I treated them with kindness until the very end, just like you told me. I’m sorry I never got to see Gakushuu grow up."_   
  
  


He’s given a note by the police.  
  


_You were more like a father to me than my real family. Once he's old enough, tell Gakushuu about Uncle Rikuto, okay?  
  
_

Gakuhou feels like he’s 12 again. Lost, guilty, and so very alone.  
  


If only he’d gotten there sooner, huh?  
  


He screams until his throat is hoarse, until his eyesight is blurry and his head is spinning.  
  


He sits in his car and he cries.  
  


Ikeda sits on the hood of the car, his blank, dead stare boring into Gakuhou’s very soul. Water runs down his face and drips onto the windscreen.  
  


_"Why didn't you teach me to be strong?"_   
  


Gakuhou screams and screams and screams, but the visions don’t leave.  
  


He learns to live with them.

  
  


**_Death will follow you wherever you go Gakuhou. You can’t prevent every bad thing that happens in this world. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes that others make.  
  
  
  
_ **

Couldn’t save one, couldn’t save the other, he thinks wryly, having not eaten for 3 days, cooped up inside his office.

  
This is what he gets for getting close to people.

  
  
  


When Gakushuu is 4, his father’s son dies. He doesn’t remember a name or a face, but the only photo from that day on that sits on his father’s desk is a dead boy he doesn’t recognize. He never takes off the pin on his tie and throws away the small tacky thing Gakushuu makes for him in class.  
  


He doesn’t leave his office for a week after the incident. Gakushuu, too young to understand sits outside of his daddy’s door and cries. His mother ushers him away to eat dinner with him alone.  
  


His father gets colder after it, his personality hardening once more as a defence mechanism.  
  


He spends every waking minute at the new school he’s setting up. He doesn’t eat dinner with them every night anymore, and when he does, its silent and tense.  
  


His mother changes too. As his father gets colder and more distant, she seems to chase after him. She is still warm to Gakushuu, but the touches become less and less frequent, and she spends more and more time at her work as well.  
  


The worst point for him, is when they get a housekeeper. She’s to look after the house while his parents work, and to look after Gakushuu in the mornings and evenings.  
  


They get a driver, who takes him to and from school.  
  


Gakushuu has never felt lonelier.  
  
  


Gakuhou sets up his new school system. It aims to isolate the weak and breed the strong. Nothing like Ikeda will ever happen again.  
  


If the weak understand that they are weak, and the strong stay at the top, then everyone else just has to strive for strength. He’ll show the youth the consequences of being weak in a safe environment, where mistakes can be made. He won't have another Ikeda, not now, not ever.  
  


His school becomes a rising star, and soon he has people from all over the country sending their children there, despite the fact that it isn’t a school you have to pay money for. Gakuhou would never charge for education. Sometimes the best intellects come from nothing.  
  


He hears Gakushuu crying outside of his office door. He needs to keep Gakushuu away from him, and make him strong, he decides. It’s the only way he’ll ever survive this world.  
  


He starts to leave special textbooks outside of Gakushuu’s room. Gakushuu’s wide, eager-to-please eyes regard the books and he takes them into his room. He brings the completed books to Gakuhou 2 days later.  
  


Gakuhou had thought Gakushuu would’ve completed them in half of the time. But he’ll let it slide for the first time.  
  


Gakushuu, entering his father’s office quietly like he’s been told to by his mama, drags up a chair that is too big for him and plonks himself down as Gakuhou silently checks his work.  
  


Its basic stuff, really basic, but still a year or so above Gakushuu’s level.  
  


Gakushuu only gets about 75% of them right, but Gakuhou still fells that swell of pride in his chest. He can let the rest slide for now.  
  


“Well done Gakushuu. Have a look at what you did wrong. I’ll give you some more books later.”  
  


Gakushuu’s face lights up at the praise. He grabs the books and slides out of the chair. Gakuhou watches as his little socked feet pad their way over to the door. Gakushuu is only 5, but he’ll be 6 soon.  
  


“Thank you dad,” he says quietly, and makes his way to the door, but stops by the entrance and fidgets. They’re going to need to work on his poker face.  
  


“What is it Gakushuu?”  
  


“Do you want some tea?” he says shyly, clutching the books to his chest.  
  


Gakuhou’s heart melts a little and he offers his son a smile.  
  


“Sure. Green tea please.”  
  


Gakushuu gives a determined nod and makes his way out of the office. Gakuhou goes back to work, but listens for the tell-tale padding footsteps outside. He hears Ena talking, and a crash of something, but not 10 minutes later there’s a knock.  
  


Gakushuu is moving really slowly, trying to not spill any tea as he carries a mug. He sets it in front of Gakuhou, and waits for his father to try it.  
  


Gakuhou sips at it. The water is too hot and the tea is too weak, but it was made by his son. His only son. The light of his life.  
  


“Thank you. Its good,” is all he says, but it’s enough for his son. Gakushuu beams at him, and leaves the office.  
  


At the dinner table that night, Ena smiles at him for the first time in many weeks.  
  


I’m proud of you, she mouths, as Gakushuu rambles about what he’d learnt from daddy’s books.

  
  
  


It doesn’t last long.  
  


Ena and him fight a lot.  
  


“He doesn’t have any friends Gakuhou! He spends all of his free-time working! He’s 7! He’s supposed to be playing with the other kids! Not learning another language!” She screams at him in the kitchen. Gakuhou stares stonily at her.  
  


“He can read and write at middle school level. He’s already learnt his second language. It’ll be worth it in the long run, you know this. And for someone so opinionated about his upbringing, you do not seem to be having a monumental role in it.”  
  


He’s never seen Ena look so angry.  
  


She slaps him across the face.  
  


Gakuhou feels the sting over his cheekbone and his anger swirls.  
  


How _dare_ she.  
  


He was giving Gakushuu life skills that he would need to _survive_.  
  


He balls his fist and swings.  
  


He becomes aware that he’s missed not by Ena, but by the stinging in his fist as the plaster of the wall bites into his knuckles. Tears track down Ena’s face as she trembles, the fist not 1 inch from her head. Its had driven a hole clean through the plaster with the force of it.  
  


He retracts his fist. He turns his head to see Gakushuu, clutching the newest books he’s completed. He’s shaking with fear and he sniffles. He looks up at Gakuhou with such terrified confusion, and Gakuhou sees himself. He sees himself looking at his beaten mother as he begs his father to stop.  
  


Gakuhou runs and shuts himself in his office once again.  
  
  
  


_You’ll always eventually become like your parents_.

  
  


Gakushuu doesn’t know what’s going on. He hears shouting after he’s gone to bed, mostly his mother. Afterwards he’ll hear a crash and then a door slamming. It wasn’t regular before, but it starts to happen every other night. It scares him. He tries to be extra good for his parents- he doesn’t know what’s happening but at least he can help a bit.  
  


He helps the housekeeper make food, clean the house and work on the garden. He starts to walk to school by himself. Anything to keep his parents happy.  
  


He does his dad’s books before his mother comes home, because he knows that she hates it. He tries to learn as much as he can at school because he knows it makes his father happy. He tries to make friends, but they all play weird games that he doesn’t understand and are boring. They are so stupid, he thinks privately to himself. But he tries, to make his mother happy. He sucks it up and plays kingdoms with the masses.  
  


She doesn’t comment on it, ever, despite the effort he makes, and soon his home, once full of joy and light, becomes cold and silent.  
  


Gakushuu fills time by learning. He does it in his room, because every time his mother sees him she looks at him with such hate in her eyes. It makes him cry, and she ignores him afterwards.  
  


And yet about once a week, when he’s supposed to be asleep, she comes in and cries by his bed. She tells him that she loves him, but that he reminds her too much of his father.  
  


He wonders why she can’t be that loving to him in the day.  
  
  


Ena is killed when Gakushuu is 8.  
  


The worst part in a way, Gakuhou thinks, is that it had been completely accidental.  
  


No suicide, no drugs, no ransom no nothing. Just a drunk driver. Something simultaneously so preventable yet so inevitable.  
  


Gakuhou doesn’t cry at the funeral.  
  


You cannot change the path of fate, no matter how hard you want to.  
  


Sometimes the good people don’t get good things.  
  


Gakuhou tries not to regret the past, but it’s hard when his son won’t look at him and the last words he said to Ena buzz around his head like wasps, stinging his sanity and slowly poisoning his mentality.  
  


_“If you want to be a good mother, stay out of my way and out of his life.”  
  
_

  
  


Gakushuu won’t stop crying. It’s painful for Gakuhou to listen to, yet a nearly week after the funeral and he hasn’t gotten over it yet.  
  


Gakuhou feels so lost. He’s got no one left in this world to rely on.  
  
  


Well, there’s one, but what did he know about raising a child alone?  
  
  


You can’t go wrong with what you know, he decides.  
  


He lets Gakushuu cry for a week.  
  


Then, after a week, he drags Gakushuu out by his hair and sits him at the table. His son’s eyes are red rimmed and puffy, and he looks up at Gakuhou with terror in his eyes. He massages his scalp with a wary hand, as if sudden movements will set him off. Pathetic.  
  


“Gakushuu. You want to be strong for your mother.”  
  


It’s a statement, not a question. Gakushuu looks wary but nods tentatively.  
  


“Good.” He dumps a notebook on the table. It’s a set of tests that he had hand created for Gakushuu himself. If he doesn’t get 100% tonight, a whole new test will await him tomorrow.  
  


“You get 100%, or you don’t eat.”  
  


And with that, he gets up and leaves the room.

  
  


It takes Gakushuu 3 days to finally get full marks. Gakuhou, for one sick second hadn’t thought that he would make it. He wants to give Gakushuu 100% but he can’t. He needs to be strong so that Gakushuu can be strong.  
  


He holds Gakushuu to his chest when he finally gets the full marks, and orders him his favourite dinner from the restaurant down the road. Gakushuu cries with relief when he sees the food and eats so fast he gets sick.  
  


Gakuhou is so _proud_.  
  


He doesn’t tell Gakushuu though. The boy needs to learn to not expect praise. If you expect things, you will never get them.  
  


The ‘game’ continues until Gakushuu gets 100% 5 nights in a row.  
  


So Gakuhou switches things up.  
  


He, more than anyone, knows that intelligence will only get his son so far. He needs physical stamina and mental fortitude too.  
  


“10 laps. You have 15 minutes. Do it or you go hungry.”  
  


Gakushuu needs 4 attempts, the 4th so drained of energy that Gakuhou knows if he hadn’t made it then he wouldn’t have made it at all. He runs so hard that he throws up (nothing more than water, mind you) and he can’t stand for an hour afterwards.  
  


He blindfolds Gakushuu in a dark room and hangs a key on a hook slightly too far out of his reach.  
  


“Get out yourself. You’re smart enough to know the consequences.”  
  


Gakushuu only takes a day. He doesn’t scream like other children, that innate fear of the dark and the unknown pushed down to make way for victory.  
  


Gakuhou is so _proud_.

  
  


Gakushuu starts to win prizes. The only photos of him around the house are ones with a trophy or medallion in it. Even a 10 year old can recognise what that means. Victory is the only important thing in life, and he needs to teach Gakushuu that early.  
  


Gakuhou stops talking to Gakushuu altogether, unless its grading his work or teaching him something that he thinks he needs to know. Gakushuu has developed a hero worship for him, looking at him with awe in his eyes and a desperation to make his father proud. That needs to stop. The only person Gakushuu can trust is himself.  
  


He makes Gakushuu take up martial arts, instruments, languages, whatever he can think to further his son’s intelligence and ability in this world. Gakushuu takes it all in stride, learning being the one thing he’s always found a calm in, and knowledge making him feel strong. Strong enough to fight whatever his father throws at him.  
  


Gakuhou’s school is a success. The E class each year is so scorned and bullied that they get used to being at the bottom. They learn to harden their skin, and the ones at the top learn to stay there. He gets some reviews, saying that this style of teaching is unethical, and that it promotes things that kids shouldn’t have anything to do with.  
  


But the critics die down when his results are published. He’s the best performing state school in the region, even above schools that have entrance fees. It doesn’t take long before powerful people are sending their children to his school rather than some fancy private one. Its good to know that when Gakushuu finally comes to his school that he’ll make some valuable connections.  
  


He doesn’t just coddle the rich kids though. He makes sure that the poorer kids who are smart have a chance to shine, but he adds some rules to his school system.  
  


It isn’t just grades that send you down to the bottom. Fighting, laziness, lack of cooperation, and more. To be a perfect student you aren’t just smart, you’re exceptional in every aspect.  
  


On that topic, Gakushuu is truly amazing. He’s years ahead of every other child his age, he’s recently become the Tokyo champion for martial arts in his age group and has completely changed the financial system of his school. However, its made him cocky. Gakuhou watches the way Gakushuu’s eyes light up with smug glee as people flock around hi to congratulate him on his marks. Gakuhou will need to beat that out of him some other time.  
  


Next year, he’ll come to Gakuhou’s school. He’ll be on unknown territory. He thinks that maybe the knowledge that Gakushuu will never be the alpha in that school will be enough to cow him. Gakuhou has to be careful to not break his spirit too far though. He can’t have a meek coward for a son, after all. No, he needs to break his spirit just enough so Gakushuu knows that he’ll never be on top, but still be superior to everyone else.  
  


Surprisingly, his plan doesn’t quite succeed.  
  


Gakushuu looks at him with venom in his eyes. He no longer fears Gakuhou like he used to, but doesn’t love him either. Gakuhou wouldn’t call it blatant hatred, but its something along those lines.  
  


It’s at the dinner table where it happens, where the silence between the two of them is normally so thick it could be cut with a knife.  
  


He regularly checks Gakushuu’s search history, he monitors his Wi-Fi and data usage, checks what he reads, writes hands in for homework. Nothing goes on in his house without him knowing about it. He makes sure that whenever Gakushuu searches something, he knows. If he opens a private browser, he gets a notification.  
  


He can’t have his son hiding things after all.  
  


*Bing* Goes his phone.  
  


He puts down his tablet and picks up the device.  
  


~Gakushuu Asano has opened a private tab.~  
  


Oh?

He looks over to Gakushuu curiously, and is surprised to see that his son is watching him.  
  


So the brat knows about the search thing.  
  


Gakushuu keeps eyes contact with Gakuhou as he types, eyes not needing to see the keyboard to know what he’s typing is perfect.  
  
  
I’m going to sue you when I’m older- Gakushuu Asano has searched, his phones tells him.  
  


Oh. That _little shit_.  
  


For the first time in a very long time, Gakuhou throws his head back and roars with laughter.  
  


Once he’s calmed down, he meets Gakushuu’s gaze once more. His son looks scared for someone who’s just challenged their own father that blatantly.  
  


“I’d like to see you try.”  
  
  
Gakushuu swallows his fear and shoots him a determined, smug smile.  
  


Gakuhou adores him.

  
  


**_Gakuhou, if you ever have a child, please get them a good education. You of all people should know how important that is.  
  
  
_ **

A weak part of Gakuhou wants to transfer to his high school. He hates the memories of teaching a middle school, Ikeda’s voice floats around the halls sometimes when he’s tired and emotional. But, he knows if he truly wants to influence Gakushuu’s education he has to do it as young as possible.  
  


So he sucks it up and continues on.  
  


Gakushuu gets full marks on all of his entrance exams (obviously) and is placed in A class. He’s a good looking boy, and will grow up to be handsome. He has his father’s strong figure, his mother’s soft hair and lashes. And of course, he has the Asano male eyes. Gakuhou sometimes can’t look at his son for too long without getting the urge to beat Gakushuu black and blue.  
  


He doesn’t hit Gakushuu anymore. Now that his son is ‘suing him’ he can’t have anything that obvious going against him in court. No matter how much he wants to. Gakuhou has always had amazing self-restraint though. He also refuses to sink to his father's level. He isn't him. No matter how bad he acts or who he manipulates.  
  


He sits Gakushuu down after his first day. Gakushuu doesn’t call him father anymore, call him ‘chairman’ and as much as it breaks his heart it feels nice to be acknowledged so respectfully by the one person who’s opinion could shatter his world. He only refers to Gakushuu as Asano. He needs to learn that it’s the only name he has that matters.  
  


“Asano. You know how important your reputation is,” he starts with.  
  


Gakushuu curls his lip into a sneer.  
  


“Save it. I know who I am and what I’m capable of. I won’t let your name down.”  
  


Gakuhou raises his eyebrow. Well then.  
  


“That’s very well, but you should learn to speak more respectfully to me. I know you know who I am and what I’m capable of,” he emphasises, voice cold despite the thrill racing through him. So his son wants to be a challenge? He’ll make sure he knows his place.  
  


Gakushuu trembles with rage and something else. With a small smirk, he continues eating his dinner.  
  


“I apologise profusely, chairman. I meant no disrespect with my language.”  
  


Hmm. That will have to do for now.  
  


“So, Asano. Let me hear how far you have progressed with French.”  
  


Gakushuu takes Kunugigaoka Middle school by storm. Very quickly, the other students learn to stay out of his way and hide in his shadow. He comes top in every exam, and effortlessly manipulates people to respect and idolise him rather than hate or be jealous of him. Girls adore him and boys want to be friends with him. Gakuhou occasionally calls him into his office, but its only for reminders or remarks.  
  


Gakuhou had been sure to put some of the most influential children into A class to mingle with Gakushuu. He’s selected a few already to join his ‘crew’, the most notable being Sakakibara Ren, the second son of a rich family. Despite being the younger boy, he was his father’s favourite, and after a dispute between the older son and the father when the father remarried, he is now in line for the family fortune. He’s attractive, charming, and intelligent. Overall a perfect match for a second-in-command. Gakuhou commends Gakushuu on his choice.  
  


Gakushuu scoops up a few more to add to his stock. Teppei Araki, the son of a famous journalist. Kind and amiable, a good balance to his son’s standoffish nature. Natsuhiko Koyama, who despite his extreme ego and unkempt appearance, is extremely devoted to his son, praising him constantly and following him around like a dog. He’s smart but not exceptional. Gakuhou can see why Gakushuu keeps him around though, he sings his praises often and he sings them loud. He’s good at what he does, and his family own major shares in most of the Japanese pharmaceutical industries.  
  


Gakushuu then makes an odd choice. Tomoya Seo. Very average looking, and although smart, is too egotistical about it for it to make up for it. He’s unlikable and is said to make people uncomfortable. Gakuhou sneers at Gakushuu for this choice, and asks why.  
  


“To offset onto me, of course. If everyone in my group was so attractive and likeable, then people would lose interest in me. Come now father, I thought you were smarter than this.”  
  


Gakuhou doesn’t know why he doubted his son in the first place.  
  


There was one boy who Gakuhou had hoped Gakushuu would latch onto. Akabane Karma, the soon of two very profitable salesmen, who travel constantly making their fortune. He’s the rich, good looking loner type that with a few well-placed words would have devotedly followed Gakushuu’s every whim. Gakushuu didn’t really need the financial support, but the disposable cash would’ve been useful. But, unfortunately the boy is fighter, and is soon pulled into Gakuhou’s office.  
  


Gakuhou looks at the file in his hands.  
  


“So Akabane, did the two boys hurt or provoke you in anyway?”  
  


The boy nonchalantly tosses his hair.  
  


“Nah. They called some other girl a slut. Gotta stand up for people, yaknow?” he says with a lackluster expression that reveals all that Gakuhou needs to know about his motivations for starting a fight. Standing up for people, my ass.  
  


Gakuhou sighs. This boy is smart, very much so. Not his son’s standard, obviously, but probably the closest out of everyone else.  
  


He looks at Akabane and is hit with an uncanny resemblance to himself. Absent parents, that superiority that comes from being a big fish in a small pond. Athletic and attractive, effortlessly so, but unlike him Akabane had embraced that itch to fuck it all. He is aware he can pass if he wants to, so why try?  
  


Part of him hates Akabane. So much potential, squandered because he’s lazy and a bully. Gakuhou should expel him before he causes more damage to the school’s reputation.  
  


“That doesn’t explain why you had to break both of their noses. Are you hurt in anyway?”  
  


Akabane sends him a smile that’s more teeth than lip.  
  


“They didn’t get a chance.”  
  


Gakuhou really should expel him.  
  


“Tell me. Honestly. Why did you fight them?”  
  


Akabane looks into his eyes and shrugs.  
  


“I was bored.”  
  


Gakuhou moves him down to B class and ignores the complaints from members of staff.  
  
  
  


Gakushuu mentions it later that evening.  
  


“You should’ve expelled him father. He’s just going to cause more trouble.”  
  


Gakushuu’s face betrays more emotion than it should. He dislikes Akabane. Naturally, he would. he goes against the very fibres that Gakuhou has ingrained into him from birth. A delinquent who is extraordinarily smart, wasting his worth yet still acting very superior to everyone. Gakuhou also remembers there had been a very close call on a test.  
  


“Funny. I don’t remember it being your business what I do with my school,” Gakuhou retorts. Gakushuu falls silent and the topic is dropped. Good. He should know his place.  
  


Second year starts. Gakushuu is already getting scouts from high schools, but Gakuhou knows that he’ll stay on through Kunugigaoka. He’s also getting university scouts too.

  
His staff find it odd that he and Gakushuu have such a tense, strained relationship yet Gakuhou can’t stop talking about him all the time. Gakushuu is his pride and joy, he’s allowed to boast about him. Once he starts talking about him he can’t stop. Sue him. He goes to very great lengths to make sure Gakushuu never finds out, however.  
  


People don’t understand his methods. Teaching or parenting alike. But that’s okay. As long as he can raise strong people, then society will flourish. Just look at his son. As long as he has Gakushuu to reassure himself, that what he's doing is right, then he'll never go wrong.  
  
  


**_Gakuhou, I’m sorry that it had to come to this. You have to be strong for me. Strength to keep going is all you need, above anything else.  
  
  
  
_ **

He thinks bitterly about that line in his mother’s letter. If he had taught that earlier, instead of spouting that drivel about ‘goodness’ then Ikeda wouldn’t be dead.

  
  
  


He hates himself every time for not noticing it sooner.  
  


His son and Sakakibara are on first name basis by second year. They are the closest of the group, being the most handsome, charming and intelligent. Gakuhou had taken that at face value and not questioned their relationship. Until now.  
  


Gakushuu starts to spend an awful lot of time at Sakakibara’s house. Starts to spend time with him outside of school. Gakuhou doesn’t mind it, it’s good for people to see Gakushuu having a social life, even if it’s for show.  
  


But then.  
  


It’s after school, and Gakuhou is waiting for Gakushuu in the courtyard to inform him about a trip he’s going on. He’d planned to have their driver take them both home.  
  


He sees Sakakibara with his son. He has his arm around him. Gakushuu has a brilliant smile on his face that makes Gakuhou’s heart melt. He looks so happy.  
  


Sakakibara fishes a sweet out from his pocket and unwraps it. He presses it to Gakushuu’s lips with a laugh. Gakushuu’s face flushes a bright red, and he eats it.  
  


Gakuhou’s heart falls low into his chest.  
  
  


_Like father like son.  
  
  
_

Gakushuu nestles into the curve of Sakakibara’s arm more. There’s a height difference, Gakushuu only just hitting his growth spurt now. Ren is exceptionally tall for a boy his age, and may still dwarf Gakushuu after he grows.  
  


Gakushuu is laughing at something when he finally notices his father. His face goes white as a sheet and he stumbles away from Ren, who doesn’t think much of it.  
  


Gakuhou flares his nostrils, a look of blatant displeasure on his face, and turns on his heel.  
  
  


They don’t talk about it for a week.  
  


Gakuhou makes sure Gakushuu knows he’s angry. He leaves it long enough that Gakushuu is practically trembling with fear when he finally sits across from him at the table. Not long enough that he can get angry about it though.  
  


“So, when did your predicament start?” he asks icily.  
  


Gakushuu swallows nervously.  
  


“Start of second year.”  
  


Gakuhou hmphs. He’s disappointed in himself mostly, for letting it go on that long.  
  


He sees Gakushuu, his only son, his sun and moon, and feels pity. Sakakibara is so, well, _straight_. It’s a hopeless endeavour, and it looks like Gakushuu knows it too.  
  


“You will shut it down. Immediately.”  
  


Gakushuu tenses. He looks broken.  
  


“Yes chairman.”  
  


Gakuhou’s heart breaks for Gakushuu. But he thinks back to his past, thinks back to those nights he spent pining, all to be washed away in a sweep of rejection. Gakushuu is unlucky. In Gakuhou’s time it wasn’t an issue- social media was prevalent and people’s opinions were based less on relationships to others and more self-worth.  
  


But for Gakushuu? Everything he’d worked for could be gone, just like that. A leaked photo, a public kiss. Information told to the wrong person and his son’s reputation destroyed. The world will not want him, and eve if they do, its with tolerance rather than acceptance. Gakuhou is trying to make his life easier.  
  


He’s doing it for his own good.  
  


“Are you homosexual or bisexual then.”  
  


Gakushuu starts a little bit, tension evident in the way he sits.  
  


He thinks for a few seconds, knowing at his bottom lip.  
  


“Be honest with me Asano.”  
  


“…bisexual.”  
  


Gakuhou reads between the lines.  
  


“But with a preference.”  
  


Gakushuu shakily nods.  
  


Gakuhou studies his son. At least he isn’t gay, he thinks with more than a little relief. There’s still hope for his happiness. He's also young, and there's a chance that he might grow out of it.  
  


“Good. There’s still room to cure you,” is what he says instead. He stands up.  
  


“Tell no one. I don’t want to have to clean up your mess.” With this, he strides off.  
  


He forcibly ignores the sobs coming from Gakushuu’s room that night. Its been a long time since he’s heard his son cry. Gakuhou assures himself its for the greater good, no matter how much it reminds him of when he was 15, in his son's palce.  
  
  
  


**_Protect the ones that you love, son, with everything you have. If that’s one thing you can learn from your mother’s habits, I hope that it’s this.  
  
  
  
_ **

Gakuhou is livid.  
  


He’s angry, frustrated and most of all disappointed.  
  


But he’s also scared for his son.  
  


Gakushuu draws 1st place with Sakakibara in the next exam.  
  


He calls Gakushuu out of class. Gakushuu is trembling with fear but his face is resolute.  
  


“I still came first father. There is no issue here.”  
  


Gakuhou stands over his son, who is 10cm shorter than him at the time. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do when Gakushuu eventually outgrows him.  
  


“No issue? There must be something severely wrong with your head. Someone nearly beat you,” he says monotonously, not letting his voice betray any emotions,” and that someone is a boy you have a gross infatuation with. You must think me stupid if you think I don’t see the implications here.”  
  


Gakushuu snarls.  
  


“I didn’t let him win! He studied extra hard on his own. It had nothing to do with me!”  
  


Gakuhou scoffs.  
  


“Protecting him? I thought that we were done with this. You should be ashamed that someone so beneath you even came close to beating you.”  
  


“He’s not beneath me,” Gakushuu says quietly, looking down.  
  


“Oh? You’re still interested, after everything I told you. Do not directly disobey me. Perusing this disgusting relationship-“  
  


“ITS NOT DISGUSTING!” Gakushuu shouts. His face is red with anger.  
  


“Its natural. It is. I’ve done my research, its common in many animal species-“  
  


“Just because animals do it doesn’t mean we should. In fact, I think it suggest that we should do the opposite.” Gakuhou knows his argument is flawed, he knows, but Gakushuu has to crush these urges of his while he’s young.  
  


Gakushuu is quiet. They stand there, both angry and tried and emotionally distressed.  
  


“Why do you take such offence father?” it’s the first time Gakushuu has called him father in a very long time.  
  


“I take it this issue is personal then,” Gakushuu spits, eyes too knowing and brain too smart and Gakuhou feels like he’s on that cliff again- that his secret is out once more and he can’t fucking take it.  
  


Just like that evening, he snaps. He hasn’t snapped in a long time with Gakushuu.  
  
  
  


He locks Gakushuu in his bedroom with nothing but a bottle of water and a single sandwich for a week. The room is filled with texts about the marks he lost in the exam and why ‘homosexuality is wrong’ books.  
  


He thinks that if he takes the hard line with Gakushuu’s attraction then it’ll be easier. Easier to think that its wrong, and avoid it entirely, than to have to hide it constantly for fear of others finding out. Better to snap it in the bud rather than let it grow and get poisoned by the plant.  
  


When he lets Gakushuu out a week later, thirsty and malnourished, Gakushuu looks at him oddly.  
  


“When I’m older, I’m going to keep you collared with a leash. You’ll sit at my desk at all times.”  
  


Gakuhou doesn’t deign him with a response.  
  


“You wanna know why I’m going to keep you like this?”  
  


Gakuhou ignores him and starts to make his way down the stairs.  
  


“So you know what its like to be treated like a possession.”  
  


Gakuhou’s heart dies in his chest. He doesn’t turn around to face his son, and just keeps walking down the stairs.  
  


_Suck it up. It’s for his good. Make him strong, not good.  
  
_

Things change from that day. Gakushuu gets cockier and more competitive. He voices his nature instead of hiding it. He doesn’t cower from Gakuhou anymore. He can’t tell whether it’s a good thing or not.  
  


He sees Ikeda in his peripheral. He only seems to come now at Gakuhou's low points. The boy shakes his head sadly, and leaves.  
  
  


**_Gakuhou, I sacrificed everything for you, and I’d do it again. You’ll understand too when you have children._ **

  
  
  


Gakushuu’s third year starts and things get interesting. Some creature decides to blow up the moon, and for some reason wants to teach at his school? His late 3E teacher has mysteriously died and no one attended her funeral, and events start to get complicated.  
  


But, more importantly to him, Gakushuu becomes the 3rd best student nationally. He’s the only student in the top 10 with a national level sport, 3 concert standard instruments and charisma and charm. So Gakuhou allows the 3rd place.  
  


He doesn’t think too hard about the school situation at first, 3E are disposable to him, merely there to fuel the main student body, and the money is extraordinary. Who cares if a few of them get hurt in the process? He scopes out the monster that is ‘teaching’ one of his classes, and determines that he’s nothing to be afraid of. The kids are there to simply kill him, not be taught by him.  
  


Soon he realises that he might have mistaken the octopus.  
  


3E starts to very rapidly gain confidence in themselves, and improve on their grades. It makes life harder for him, because some of them have overtaken D class in grades, and should the assassination attempts not have been going on he would’ve had to swap some people around. It alerts suspicion. Which is unwanted.  
  


Gakuhou does his digging. With his cyber skills its child’s play. He learns of Koro-sensei’s background and what he has done. Its nice to know that since he cares for 3E so much (after his girlfriend died, boo-hoo) it’s a very useful piece of blackmail.  
  


Its nice to have the government wrapped around his finger though. He feels powerful, as they cannot make a decision without his opinion.  
  


Tadaomi Karasuma is an exceptional man, one that Gakuhou feels drawn to. The irony, after punishing his son recently for something like this. Unlike his son however, he can actually control his emotions.  
  


He watches Nagisa Shiota scare off two D class students and realises- this isn’t good. If E class rises in the ranks, or even just in confidence, his whole school system could shut down. Its reputation relies on the fact that parents of the top classes feel placated when their children are not at the bottom, and the ones at the bottom are just happy that their children are allowed to stay in the school. A lot of those attitudes would be expelled elsewhere.  
  


That night, Ikeda speaks to him. He can never go more than 2 hours of sleep without seeing him. Its odd that he’d disturb Gakuhou in the first 2 hours.  
  


“My legacy, huh?” he says cheerfully, despite the fact that he’s a corpse, red eyes and grey skin, throat worn dry from lack of use.  
  


“You’ve changed, sensei.” Ikeda says.  
  


“For the better,” Gakuhou says.  
  


“So nothing like me would ever happen again, right?”  
  


Gakuhou nods, stomach gurgling with nausea.  
  


“You’re wrong. All you're doing is pushing people closer to the edge.”

  
Gakuhou tries to block him out.  
  


"You can refuse to listen now, but it'll come back to bite you. In the form of someone you love."  
  


Gakuhou wakes in a cold sweat, and promptly rushes to retch in the toilet.

  
  
  


Gakuhou rises to the challenge that 3E poses. He looks at the D class material, and ups the difficulty a little. He makes the mid-term exams harder, just enough that E class don’t move from their standings. The main body of the school are prepared, of course. It crushes their motivation and reaffirms his decisions. He hopes it will be enough, but he’s rational enough to know that a fight will be put up.  
  


He’s right, of course. But it comes in the form of a baseball game.  
  


Due to 3E’s new athletic ability, they are easily winning. The baseball team, made up of primarily D and C class students (with some B scattered in there) is intimidated. With a few choice words, however, they are all snarling and determined once more.  
  


But then Akabane steps in.  
  


He really should have expelled that kid, Gakuhou thinks. With the crowd backing the main team up with jeers and boos at E class, anyone would’ve cracked under that pressure. But, he may be superhuman but he is not supernatural. He cannot brainwash the whole crowd. Akabane uses his reputation to scare the crowd into submission. With that confidence boost and _blatantly copying his tactics_ E class takes the victory.  
  


Asano doesn’t sweat it. They had to use his very method to beat them. Copying is the most sincerest form of flattery, after all. With a smug smile sent towards ‘Koro-sensei’ he leaves the field feeling neutral.  
  


As long as Gakushuu isn’t involved in a loss, it’s okay. His philosophies haven't failed him yet.  
  


The government want a man called Takaoka Akira to teach 3E. Gakuhou says yes and takes more of their money. He knows instantly that the man is insane. He appreciates the man’s dedication and packed schedule however. It reminds him of Gakushuu’s own. For that reason he allows him to stay.  
  


Until he’s beaten by one of his own students in a knife fight.  
  


Pathetic, he sneers down at the man who’s cowering on the office floor. Gakuhou had needed to let loose some energy and he had been an easy target. There’s a lot of blood, but his secretary has always been discreet.  
  


Claiming to be a professional? He thinks. Professionals never lose, he thinks as he kicks the man's jaw in. He makes sure to send that air-force man a photo. Just to remind him whose school he's currently in.

  
  


It’s a shock to him when Gakushuu loses the silly bet he and his friends had made.  
  


He’d still come top, but he’d lost.  
  


Gakuhou is so disappointed.  
  


He didn't raise his son to be like this.  
  


He been beaten by individuals, he noted. Rio Nakamura, whilst intelligent, was only exceptional in one subject. Similarly for Manami Okuda, who’d beaten him at science. In fact, he hadn’t even come second in science. That arrogant brat Koyama had taken it from him. Yuma Isogai takes social studies. None of these kids even come close for top spot, which reassures him, but it still means that Gakushuu had lost. 

Its what 3E does very well, using a lot of individuals and their talents rather than procuring one person with a lot of talent, or teaching them to be diverse.  
  
  
If a person can't be strong in all aspects, then they will never succeed. These kids will fail eventually, and when they do, its going to be a beautiful sight.  
  
  
He counts how many times Gakushuu has lost, just in this one bet.  
  


A total of 4 times. 3 subjects, one overall loss.  
  


Disgusting.  
  
  


Gakushuu sits angrily in his office, stewing. Gakuhou doesn’t even need to punish him properly this time. Gakushuu will do it himself. The blow to his reputation is enough, anyway.  
  


That fact that he’s not punishing Gakushuu directly seems to make him even madder.  
  


“Why would I lower myself to punish you? You can’t even win a middle school bet. You’re not going to be a match for me, now or ever. You’re a disappointment to the Asano name.”  
  


Gakushuu shudders, turns on his heel, and leaves.  
  


And so begins the Asano losing streak. Now, Gakuhou doesn’t feel scared. He’s at the top, the peak, if someone asked for a textbook definition of capable human it would be Gakuhou.  
  


But for once in his life, he’s terrified.  
  


So he commands his most useful tool. The best weapon in his arsenal.  
  


“Gakushuu. At the pole toppling tournament, I want you to destroy 3E.”  
  


Gakushuu smirks that dangerous smile of his that makes pride well up in Gakuhou’s chest.  
  


“The enemy of your enemy is your friend, after all. And I think at this point, they take priority over me, don’t they Asano?”  
  


Gakushuu gets exchange students from abroad. They all adore him, and he can converse with each of them in their native language. He sees the stars in the American boy’s eyes when he talks to Gakushuu, pure adoration on his face. He grips his son’s shoulders tightly until he hears Gakushuu audibly whimper. Just as a reminder. Gakushuu looks at him with undisguised hatred in his eyes. They don’t bring up that week. Ever.  
  


But he watches closely. Had he not asked that of Gakushuu, his son would’ve won. That stings more deeply than anything else.  
  


He shoves that thought down deep into the depths of his brain. If his son can’t completely destroy his enemies, then he’s not worthy of being your son.  
  


He knows about Yuma Isogai’s silly part-time job. He’d chosen to ignore it because the boy was smart and he shouldn’t be criminalised for trying to earn himself money. Gakuhou doesn’t approve that he’s the soul financer of his family however.  
  


If his mother truly cared for her family then she would be working.  
  


He punishes Gakushuu for this loss by beating the exchange students within an inch of their life. He breaks bones, rips skin, makes sure that their screams will haunt Gakushuu. They’d all tried to defend his son, the pathetic subordinates that they were. Making excuses for someone so above them.  
  


Gakushuu sits there, fear evident in his features. Gakuhou has never gone back on his word to himself. He has never hit Gakushuu to this day, and never will.  
  


Gakuhou will not sink to his father’s level.  
  


But he makes sure Gakushuu knows. Knows that if he messes up, messes up really bad there will be physical consequences. The blood from the mongrels stain his son’s cheeks.  
  


Gakushuu holds a hand over his mouth to stop himself from heaving.  
  


“You’re going to stay in here and think about things. Then, I’m going to unlock the door and you will clean all of this up. It’s your mess. You handle it. I’ll handle the legal aspects and the media.”  
  


And with that he leaves Gakushuu in his office. He locks it until the teachers are long gone, the students at home and the cleaning staff have finished.  
  


He sees Ikeda in the hallway.  
  


“You use my name as an excuse to treat your son like that?” the boy says, throat scratchy from the water clogging it. He doesn’t leave a puddle in the hallway, just drip, drip, dripping water that vanishes when it touches the floor.  
  


“I’m teaching him how to be strong, so that he doesn’t end up like you,” he reassures himself.  
  


“You’re going to lose, Asano, for what you’ve done. And when you lose, you’re going to lose everything.”  
  


He looks at Ikeda.  
  


“I already have,” he says softly.  
  


Ikeda smiles sadly.  
  


“Then you can’t see what’s in front of you.”

Gakushuu is pale and trembling when he unlocks it again. He takes the exchange students with him to the hospital. They cower from him and cry. Pathetic. They say nothing and the next week are on their way home. They have a full recovery and don’t press charges.  
  


Gakuhou goes home and makes himself dinner afterwards. Gakushuu comes home at around 10, and goes into his room and locks the door. He doesn’t eat, and Gakuhou doesn’t force him to.  
  


When he enters his office the next day, its flawless.  
  


**_Gakuhou, losses are a good way for you to improve. Don’t think too hard about losing, you’re a perfectionist son, I know you. Learn from your losses and grow from them.  
  
  
  
_ **

Gakuhou thinks that all of this losing is good for the main body. Nothing like a little bit of fear to get things moving. It had always worked for him in the past after all.  
  


His son’s class comes top in the school festival. He’d spent the week before learning the guitar, and he plays it impeccably. He likes listening to him play the guitar, its clear that his son actually has a passion for the instrument, unlike the other he had learnt to play in the past.  
  


But he hears the children speaking.  
  


“Class E must have an amazing teacher.”  
  


“Yeah, their grades are better than mine now. I might drop down.”  
  


“Some of the people there aren’t half bad. I really like Isogai actually.”  
  


And he’s **scared**. The paranoia that he's developed over the years suffocates him.  
  


He’s Gakuhou Asano. He doesn’t get scared.  
  


3E is threatening his whole educational philosophy. His life’s work.  
  


He tries to listen to his mother’s words.  
  


Losing in the short term is good, he reassures himself. It leads to greater victories later. You of all people should understand that, Gakuhou.  
  


And plus, who’s he to deny a legitimate victory?  
  


But he knows he can’t lose.  
  


As long as he has his ultimate weapon, then he’s fine.  
  


When Gakushuu wins the festival, he admonishes him for not completely destroying 3E. He knows that his father's praise is hard to earn.   
  


“You should have poisoned their food, Asano.”  
  


Gakushuu looks sick. Gakuhou had given him raw chicken to prove his point.  
  


“Anything for the price of victory.”  
  


Gakushuu, having spent the last 2 hours heaving into the toilet, glares at him.  
  


“Anything for the price of victory,” he repeats weakly.  
  


The next day at school, Gakushuu acts perfectly well. Gakuhou is so very proud of him.  
  


As finals loom over the school, Gakuhou Asano experiences something new.  
  


Doubt.  
  


He and Gakushuu had schemed together to get Takebayashi (who evidently viewed Gakushuu as far more than an idol) to betray his friends. When he smashes a trophy, Gakuhou can't help but sigh. Gakushuu doesn't look upset, and Gakuhou is pretty sure his son had gleaned information about 3E from him. Probably sucked his dick, with how much of a whore his son was turning out to be.  
  


He’s listened in on 3E’s lessons. He knows they’re well equipped. He’s also sat in 3A’s lesson, and seen the lesser student’s confusion at the material. He’s bumped it up to college standard.  
  


The only student that should be able to handle it is his son.  
  


As long as his son comes first, there’s no issue. His whole philosophy is still intact.  
  


But he remembers his own words.  
  


 _“If he can’t completely destroy his enemies, then he isn’t his son.”  
  
  
_ Part of him wants to destroy 3E. For having the audacity to counter him.  
  


Part of him wants to spend some equality time with his son, tutor him until his eyes are read and he passes out form exhaustion.  
  


He does the best of both worlds.  
  


Ikeda, covered in water, skin a botchy corpse colour, stands before him.  
  


“They’re going to beat you,” he whispers.  
  


“Let them try,” he snarls.  
  


When finals role around, he take over 3A’s teaching. He brainwashes them to believe his ideals. He takes personal pleasure running Sakakibara into the ground with knowledge.  
  


They’re the top of the year group. They should be able to take some tutoring.  
  


This is light compared to what Gakushuu has been through, and they're already passing out from exhaustion? It really makes him appreciate his son's abilities. He probably would've snapped already had any of these kids been his child.  
  


The exams are collage level, so he has to take them up to that level, and fast.  
  


That octopus will rue the day he ever tried to even compare to him and his son.  
  


He sends Gakushuu home. Same old, same old, wont eat unless you pass this with full marks, yadda yadda. Gakushuu is leagues above his class but Gakuhou believes he can bring them up to form.  
  


And anyway, as long as Gakushuu comes first, what can go wrong?

Gakushuu Asano’s hands tremble as he stands in front of 3E.  
  


“I want you to assassinate my father’s teaching ideology.”  
  


Funny use of language, Koro-sensei thinks.  
  


The boy must know, or at least have some accurate suspicions. He’s too smart to not.  
  


The boy appears to be the picture of arrogance and composure, but all Koro-sensei sees is a scared teenager.  
  


“He’s driving A class into the ground. I’ve lived with him my whole life, I’m used to him. But they can’t take that abuse.”  
  


So even his son knows that its abuse, huh?  
  


He doesn’t know what the Asano home life is like, and honestly couldn’t care less. What he cares about is getting his students to the top, because he knows that it will help more in the long term.  
  


He watches as Asano bows, swallowing his pride in an admirable feat. He watches the boy climb down the mountain and cry the whole way. Watches as he scratches lines into his thighs with a pocket knife.  
  


Koro-sensei feels so guilty.  
  


He pulls Karma aside.  
  


“You understand that we cannot beat Asano-sensei without beating his son (it’s not a question).  
  


Karma looks pensively, before grinning madly and nodding.  
  


Koro-sensei swallows his guilt and hopes that Gakushuu’s sense of self-worth is enough to get him through this.  
  


_He feels so guilty, that he's let this boy stay with his father this whole time._   
  


  
  


Gakuhou Asano’s world comes crashing down around him.

Gakushuu Asano, second place. Behind Akabane. The kid that he’d saved from expulsion.  
  


Oh, he **really** should’ve expelled him.  
  


He stands in A class, and he can’t leave his son’s gaze. He’s white as a sheet and his eyes are wide with terror.  
  


Gakuhou had never been more irate.  
  


Gakushuu tries to spin it as a victory. He’s successfully taken down his education system, successfully beaten his father.  
  


“No, you didn’t. You simply lost and are trying to put a happy spin on it,” he spits back. Gakushuu recoils. A class is silent.  
  


Because the universe seems like today is a good day to test his patience, Sakakibara pipes up.  
  


“Sir. With all due respect, you ran us into the ground. That isn’t teaching.”  
  


He whips his gaze round to face the boy, who starts in fear, but holds his ground.  
  


“We’d like to be transferred into E Class.”  
  


Gakuhou sees red.  
  


He hears Gakushuu laughing next to him.  
  


His son is saying something, his mocking tone disguising his true feelings of loss.  
  


Good. He should be punished for what he’s done.  
  


He hears Gakushuu in his ears, and he sees purple breach the red haze that has coloured his vision.  
  


His father’s eyes, huh? He'll show him just how much of a nice father he had been. Compared to what he could've had.  
  


Gakuhou backhands Gakushuu so far he’s not sure if he’s dislocated his jaw.  
  


Gakushuu hits the wall with a crack and lands on the floor.  
  


A class watches with silent horror as Gakushuu starts to laugh.  
  


“Fucking finally,” he seethes. “Showing your fatherly side at last.”  
  


“You’re no son of mine,” Gakuhou spits, and runs from the classroom.  
  


He’s told later by the nurse that Gakushuu had laughed and laughed and laughed until he cried. And once he’d started, he couldn’t stop.  
  


Gakuhou feels his world crumbling around him.  
  


Ikeda stands impassively next to him as he pulls grenades from a safe in his house.  
  


“You should be with him, after that,” Ikeda says.  
  


“He doesn’t deserve it,” Gakuhou snarls.  
  


Ikeda watches him make arrangements for 3E. He holds all the cards. He’s the principal. They can’t touch him.  
  


“It’ll be your loss,” Ikeda says.  
  


Gakuhou clenches his fists and screams.  
  


Ikeda looks at him with something like pity.

  
  


He’s taking matters into his own hands.  
  


That damn octopus is the biggest obstacle. Eliminate him, and everything will be fine.  
  


He could die with this plan, he distantly thinks.  
  


“Anything for the cost of victory,” he repeats to himself on a mantra as he strides to the classroom. The building is already being demolished, and the children scream around it.  
  


Koro-sensei watches with knowing eyes that he _hates_.  
  


He explains the rules. The 3E children look with horror at him.  
  


And then, he loses.  
  
  
This can't be. He's fucking Gakuhou Asano. He never loses.  
  


Koro-sensei looks like he wants to say something to him.  
  


But its then, that he gets the phone call.  
  


A number blares on his personal phone, saved for Gakushuu exclusively. Its an unknown number, but Gakuhou’s brain supplies the owner.  
  


Why is Sakakibara of all people calling him?  
  


Before he can think, Koro-sensei has pressed answer.  
  


Gakuhou holds it up to his ear. He can’t fully comprehend what’s just happened to him.  
  


_“Mr Asano!! Its-its Gakushuu!! Please, h-hurry, the closest hospital to the school, he’s tried to kill-“  
  
_

Beep. He’s hung up.  
  
  
  


If Gakuhou had thought the world had crumbled around him before, he was completely wrong.  
  
  
  


Koro-sensei looks at him. His trademark grin is gone.  
  


“We can talk afterwards, Asano. I think you have more pressing matters right now.”  
  


Gakuhou gets up and _runs_.  
  


He’s pretty sure he’s broken several traffic laws, with how fast he drives. He runs, full out sprinting to the emergency room.  
  


He pants and slows in the hallway he’s been told to go to. He's never run that fast in his life, his brain spinning with thoughts-  
  


Ikeda watches him from the other end.  
  


“I-is he, okay?” Gakuhou whispers.  
  


Ikeda stays silent.  
  


“Please.” Gakuhou’s legs wobble and his vision swims.  
  


“Please tell me he’s okay.”  
  


Ikeda looks at him.  
  


“I didn’t save him for you. I saved him for him,” Is what he says quietly.  
  


“I remember holding him in my arms, and I knew then that I’d protect this boy. I protected him because you never would have.” Ikeda continues.  
  


Gakuhou puts his hand on the handle.  
  


“He jumped from the same bridge as me, you know?” Ikeda says, and the image changes, warps from pink hair to strawberry-blonde, and its no longer his student, its his son, his only son.  
  
  
  


“You really fucked me up,” his vision tells him, in a throaty, battered voice that betrays screaming.

Gakushuu’s purple eyes, dead and empty, his face bruised and covered in water. He hears his sobs, the cut of a knife, and wind as he finally plucks up the courage to end it all.  
  
  
  


Gakuhou pushes down the handle and enters the room.  
  


His son’s eyes, no longer dead, but no less empty stare at him.  
  


“Hello father,” Gakushuu says, voice hoarse.  
  


He’d hit the water 5 hours ago. A seal had dragged his unconscious body out of the water, and a passing civilian had called an ambulance. All while Gakuhou had been setting up a plan to kill someone else.  
  


He’d broken both of his legs on impact, and his right wrist had been cut so badly on a rock that he wouldn’t have use of it for a few months while it had healed.  
  


His emergency contact listed on his phone hadn’t been Gakuhou, it had been Sakakibara. He had sat with him until he’d woken up. They’d sat and cried together, until Ren had been asked to call a family member of Gakushuu. So he’d called Gakuhou using the number that Gakushuu had read out to him. He’d left just before Gakuhou had arrived, with permission from Gakushuu to tell the rest of their friends what had happened. Gakuhou wonders why he ever hated that boy.  
  
  


The nurse tells him that he’s the only suicidal to have ever survived jumping from that bridge.  
  
  


Ikeda’s watery stare pins him from across the room.  
  


Gakuhou crosses the room in two strides and clutches at Gakushuu.  
  


“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he weeps into Gakushuu’s hospital gown.  
  
  
  


**_Lastly, Gakuhou, forget the past. Look to the future, because remembering the past will only cloud your judgement. Don’t let this event, or any other traumatic event define the rest of your life. I want you to move on from this. You’re so strong.  
  
  
  
_ **

Gakushuu doesn’t move to hug his father back. He stares out of the window.  
  


“I wish I had succeeded,” is what he says.  
  


Gakuhou shakes his head desperately and continues crying.  
  


Gakushuu makes eye contact with Ikeda.  
  


“Hello, Shuu,” Ikeda says.  
  


“I don’t know who you are,” Gakushuu says brokenly.  
  


“It’s okay. I know you.”  
  


Gakuhou looks up incredulously, tears running down his face. He-he can see-?  
  


Ikeda whispers into Gakushuu’s ear for a long time. Tears slip down Gakushuu’s face as he talks.  
  


Once he’s done, Ikeda turns to Gakuhou.  
  


“I’ll talk to you later. Never forget this, sensei,” Ikeda says softly, fondness etched into the sadness that lines his face, "I've saved him once. I don't think I'll be lucky enough to do it again. Take care of yourself, Asano."  
  
  
"Thank you," Gakuhou manages to make out.  
  


Ikeda runs a watery hand through his hair.  
  


"My pleasure, father. Now, enjoy your living son." And with that, he leaves the room.  
  


Gakuhou doesn’t let go of his son for the next few minutes.  
  


“W-why?” Gakuhou wails into his son’s arms.  
  


Gakushuu looks at him, sees pain in his eyes.  
  


“I think you know why.”  
  


“I can’t lose you too. I’ve lost everybody- please Gakushuu,” he hiccups, feeling lost.   
  


He feels 12 again, clutching his mother's beaten, bloody boyfriend. That's what he'd thought when Ikeda had died.  
  


He feels Gakushuu's pulse, weak but there.  
  


Its not the same. He'd made the same mistake twice, nearly a third time, but he didn't.  
  


Never again, he vows. Never again.

Gakushuu, with one arm, cautiously wraps it around Gakuhou.  
  


“I love you, I love you so much. My son, my only son-“ Gakuhou sobs.  
  


Tears flowing anew down Gakushuu’s face, he clutches his crying father, and sobs into his shoulder.

  
  


When did it all go so wrong?

  
  
  
  
  


**_Gakuhou. I love you more than life itself. Find the one person that you feel this way about and treasure them forever. That’s all I wish for you._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Your mother._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please comment your thoughts/issues with this. I realised that since I am queer and cannot therefore do math that a lot of this is probably not accurate? Idk, I guess I've got to live with it.
> 
> I really don't wanna seem annoying but it means the world to me when you guys comment! As someone who writes really slow and has real motivational issues, knowing that you enjoy the stuff I write makes me feel so much better.
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed this lump of emotional mess.
> 
> Stay healthy!


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